Marital crisis

What I envisaged as a one-off challenge in life would soon turn out to be my new way of life. On my return from China, I was in no doubt that I would run another marathon. The Great Wall Marathon 2000 was already in my thoughts, but I also had to try my hand at a “proper” marathon. I was sure that I could run a considerably faster time than 5:56:54. The question was what time was realistic.

Immediately after I returned from the grand tour, there was enough work and other tasks waiting. At the same time my body needed to recover, so I did no running during the weeks that followed. There was a risk that I might make myself too comfortable and never start running again. But I was so engrossed in the idea of setting out on another 42 kilometres that I was in no doubt that I would need running shoes again. Nor did it take long before I started running regularly.

I hadn’t previously shown much understanding of Hanne’s running. Now I was absorbed by the sport myself so it would seem almost natural for us to cultivate our common interest together. But that was not the way it was to be. I ran on my own because Hanne never began running with me again after we got back home. I didn’t mind running alone and didn’t attach any importance to Hanne’s break from running. But as it turned out, there was something special in store. In the course of the next couple of months, a noticeable change occurred in our lives. Hanne seemed absent when it came to family life, and in the course of the summer our marriage proved to be in a state of serious crisis. Divorce was not on the cards to begin with although it was not beyond the bounds of possibility.

The whole situation was of great concern to me. I wondered what would happen with our lives, and speculation about the situation for our two boys and where we would live preoccupied me. But in this situation I used running as a kind of therapy and actually ended up running more than I had intended. Sometimes I couldn’t fall asleep at night, and after I had lain there thinking until one or two o’clock I got up and ran 20 kilometres. Then I was able to sleep for a few hours before I had to go to work. Running released endorphins, and the best thoughts came to me. It afforded me a sort of haven, giving me the opportunity to think constructively and creatively about the future and life’s possibilities. At the same time, as I was running a lot, my life situation as a whole meant that I didn’t have much of an appetite. This resulted in my losing 20 kg in the course of a few months. Losing weight was not a problem as such; it was just that it happened in the wrong way.

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